Thoughts Suggested
By a College Examination
by George Gordon, Lord Byron
(Composed: 1806)
(From Hours of Idleness - 1807)
- High in the midst, surrounded by his peers,
- MAGNUS his ample front sublime up rears:
- Placed on his chair of state, he seems a god.
- While Sophs and Freshmen tremble at his nod.
- As all around sit wrapt in speechless gloom,
- His voice in thunder shakes the sounding dome;
- Denouncing dire reproach to luckless fools,
- Unskilld to plod in mathematic rules.
- Happy the youth in Euclids axiorn tried,
- Though littie versed in any art beside;
- Who, scarcely skilld an English line to pen,
- Scans Attic metres with a critics ken.
- What, though he knows not how his fathers bled,
- When civil discord piled the fields with dead,
- When Edward bade his conquering bands advance
- Or Henry trampled on the crest of France.
- Though marvelling at the name of Magna Charta,
- Yet well he recollects the laws of Sparta;
- Can tell what edicts sage Lycurgus made,
- While Blackstones on the shelf neglected laid;
- Of Grecian dramas vaunts the deathless fame,
- Of Avons bard remembering scarce the name.
- Such is the youth whose scientific pate
- Class-honours, medals, fellowships, await
- Or even, perhaps, the declamation prize
- If to such glorious height he lifts his eyes.
- But lo! no common orator can hope
- The envied silver cup within his scope.
- Not that our heads much eloquence require,
- Th ATHENIANs glowing style, or Tullys fire.
- A manner clear or warm is useless, since
- We do not try by speaking to convince.
- Be other orators of pleasing proud,
- We speak to please ourselves, not move the crowd:
- Our gravity prefers the muttering tone,
- A proper mixture of the squeak and groan:
- No borrowd grace of action must he seen;
- The slightest motion would displease the Dean;
- Whilst every staring graduate would prate
- Against what he could never imitate.
- The man who hopes t obtain the promised cup
- Must in one posture stand, and neer look up;
- Nor stop, but rattle over every word
- No matter what, so it can not be heard.
- Thus let him hurry on, nor think to rest:
- Who speaks the fastests sure to speak the best;
- Who utters most within the shortest space
- May safely hope to win the wordy race.
- The sons of science these, who, thus repaid,
- Linger in ease in Grantas sluggish shade;
- Where on Cams sedgy banks supine they lie,
- Unknown, unhonourd live, unwept-for die:
- Dull as the pictures which adorn their halls,
- They think all learning fixd within their walls:
- In manners rude, in foolish forms precise,
- All modern arts affecting to despise;
- Yet prizing Bentleys, Bruncks, or Porsons note,
- More than the verse on which the critic wrote:
- Vain as their honours, heavy as their ale,
- Sad as their wit, and tedious as their tale;
- To friendship dead, though not untaught to feel
- When Self and Church demand a bigot zeal.
- With eager haste they court the lord of power,
- Whether tis Pitt or Petty rules the hour;
- To him, with suppliant smiles, they bend the head,
- While distant mitres to their eyes are spread.
- But should a storm oerwhelm him with disgrace,
- Theyd fly to seek the next who filld his place.
- Such are the men who learnings treasures guard!
- Such is their practice, such is their reward!
- This much, at least, we may presume to say
- The premium cant exceed the price they pay.
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